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I can’t say I completely understand your question, but perhaps all of us can relate somewhat to the question. I would say, by studying and applying Dr. Hawkins’ teachings it’s progressively becoming more apparent “what I am not”, and concordantly, more apparent “what I am”. Throughout this life, my “sense of self” has been lost in and identified with a story(what I call the story of Russ) and I did not know this was so. Progressively, as I’ve applied Dr. Hawkins’ teachings and simply listened over and over to his descriptions of reality, its becoming apparent that I am not the story that runs in my subjectivity. And, as Dr. Hawkins has pointed out on many occasions, I am a “what-ness” that is noticing or witnessing or observing the story. For me, the word that best points at this “what-ness”, is “awareness”. Sometimes, but not all of the time, it’s apparent that I am this “quality” of “awareness” that is watching the parade going by within my subjectivity.